HAVE YOU HEARD OF GARGATHOR?

Gargathor is a great and mighty genderless magician from outer space. They came to Earth in a meteor ten thousand years ago, bestowed upon humanity some gifts, and then promptly left. When they return, they will give us three more gifts. Isn't that great?

Gargathor's Gifts

What they gave 10,000 years ago:

  1. Cranberries
  2. Pizza Hut
  3. Opposable Thumbs (we didn't have these back then)
When they return, they will give each of their followers a choice between:
  1. Infinite Cranberries
  2. As Many Logs as You can Eat
  3. A Second Spirit, perhaps to Haunt An Enemy, such as Someone Who Gave You a Veneral Disease

JOIN GARGATHOR TODAY

In order to partake of Gargathor's gifts, you must join their cult. Yes, we are transparent: this is a cult. We do rituals at your local Pizza Hut. To join, call the First Hut at +1 (603) 888-3553 and ask for a triple pepperoni pie.